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Av Sara Modigh - 1 december 2013 15:23

I chose to write a post that is mighty hard for me to write, because I know there are many who will recognize themselves and who probably feel very alone. It did anyway.

When I started to self harm, I had never heard of the phenomenon of cutting yourself. I had never seen or heard about someone who hurt themselves on purpose. I thought I was really weird, and when it was no longer adequate to hurt me by beating and cutting myself so I started to self harm me by letting be me sexually exploited.
It probably sounds really weird. How could it be so?
I do not know. I was young, shy and unsure of myself. I hated myself and my body, and when I was in high school, I felt the worst I started to "lend out" my body.

I did not want it so the guys who wanted it could have it. It was purely disgusting and dirty torture for my soul.
It was the humiliation that I felt that I deserved, and sex was the only thing I was good enough at.
At school I was invisible, incompetent and maladjusted. But in my sex-self-harming, I had an identity. where I was and where I was seen.
It became a destructive spiral where I hated myself felt worthless and disgusting, I'm sexself injured to seek some form of anxiety relief by punishing myself because I'm so nauseous and unwanted while so I imagined myself that I was coveted and that I mattered when these men wanted me, afterwards, I often felt even dirtier, more disgusting and stupid and so began all over again.

I never understood why I did what I did.

Even today I am ashamed of what I did to myself. Maybe because I put all the blame on myself because I did not understand my behavior and even today find it difficult to understand how it could be like it was.
I have so many mental scars from everything I subjected myself to.
I'm still feel terribly bad about everything that happened.

Av Sara Modigh - 24 augusti 2013 16:45

The day before yesterday my doctor called to tell me that the test results from my MRI investigation had come.

He wanted me to get there the next day so we could talk face to face.

Even then I realized that that not all was well.

No overworked doctor book an appointment for a visit to tell good news.

The level of anxiety after I was told that the doctor wanted to talk to us as soon as possible was extreme.

My thoughts flew like a chaos through my head, is it a tumor? it ms? is it an inflammation? it is TBE? Will I die? How long have I to live?

Yesterday, we met with the doctor and all the hope that he might not find anything and just called me up to discuss how we would proceed disappeared immediately when I saw his sad face.

There was something in his eyes that told me what he would say now it was not good.

We got to sit, and he asked quite cheerfully how we felt. Then, for a second I thought "phu there is nothing wrong anyway."

But that was not the case.

He said that the investigations conducted have shown that I have brain changes.

He could not say anything more without further investigation. So I still have no answers.

What is a change? What does that mean? How will it affect me?

I've got an appointment for a lumbar puncture to allow them to investigate my spinal fluid.

I would get a call to it within a month he thought.

So now you just have to take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

I try to be strong, but it's hard when it feels like life turns against me.

Is it not one thing it's another. Yesterday it was One year ago since mother's funeral. A year!

Now I'm dealing with a possible brain disease.

I've really struggled all my life to mental illness, and now this?

Right now I think life is terribly unfair.

But like I said, I will try to think of anything else, hope for the best and take one day at a time.

There's a possibility that this is not something dangerous.

I will probably need help to keep the thoughts away, Do you have any tips on how I can do to think other things and take one day at a time until I get my judgment

Av Sara Modigh - 27 juni 2013 04:04

If I die of an undiagnosed illness, it is the health center's fault!

Have for a week now got worse and worse sensory disturbances in both legs and also pins and needles in my hands.
It started when I had a weird feeling in my foot and ankle. It felt like there was something warm right next to my leg. This feeling has since spread up my legs all the way up to my lower back. The feeling has been replaced with a stinging, burning sensation in the skin. Feels like when you come inside after being out in freezing temperatures and played in the snow and are cold and wet.
The other day I started to get pins and needles in my hands.
My legs are very weak and wobbly. My knees give way from time to time and I collide with the door frames and can not keep balance when I close my eyes.
It has gone so far that I can hardly walk. I'm exhausted and feel sick after going a short distance. It feels like my legs are made of spaghetti.

My partner phoned in to the health center on Monday and explained the symptoms. There, they wanted me to come by once. they said "It sounds serious, we want you to come as soon as possible." But I can not walk myself and Jacob worked on both Monday and Tuesday, so we had to wait until Wednesday.

So today we were there.
The doctor checked my reflexes and if I had pulse and feeling in my feet. It was basically all she wanted to do. For as soon as I mentioned the word the word mental illness were my problems psychological problems. While she also claimed that the problems probably are not due to folate deficiency I have, so when I was there last time (for not too long ago) for a similar problem with my legs and was told it was due to folic acid deficiency, it was probably not true .
The doctor explained to me like I was an idiot "You see, anxiety can manifest itself in this way. I saw in your journal that you have Sobril medicine prescription. Take them"

I have had my anxiety problems since the age of six. I know how my anxiety manifests itself! I know what anxiety is and I know what anxiety feels like. I know I never had tingling from anxiety and I know I never had physical problems that gets progressively worse over time of my anxiety.

When I told her that I know how my anxiety feels like and how it works, she became very angry and cross. There was an icy chill in her eyes and you just felt her contempt for me was dripping from every word she uttered.
"then we'll have to get some samples then, or so we send you for admission to a hospital so they can take samples there., we can at least not do anything more for you"
So I had to take the same tests as the last time I was there and it was found that my folate value was "4".

So now I wonder, how many people have anxiety that feels like that?

I think it's so awful that they do not even want to consider that there might be something physically just because I have mental illness.
That one has to feel like a burden and an idiot who just take their time with their mental illness instead of going into psychiatry.
That they almost refuse to take a blood test to at least try to see if there is a physical cause for my symptoms. How to get help with somatic diseases if the health center refuse to look, JUST because you have a journal from the psychiatry.
Three years ago, the health center missed,  b-12 deficiency and folate deficiency. I finally became so ill that I had to be admitted to the hospital and get an IV and a blood transfusion. In three days I got to be in the hospital because I was so anemic. My hemoglobin was low, an adult women should have 120 to 155 grams per liter. I had 75!
I do not want to get sick and need to be hospitalized AGAIN, because the health center do not want to examine me. Just because I have psychological problems.
I hate the Swedish health system right now!

Av Sara Modigh - 18 juni 2013 03:28

Today I was so close to just go into the bathroom and cut myself to pieces to get all nasty feelings that war in my chest to go away.
I feel so alone and worthless.
Sometimes it's so damn hard to try to hang on to what little hope you have left. Right now it feels like I just want to give up.
I'm tired of fighting everything I can, around the clock to not drown in anxiety. I want to stop swimming, just floating on the surface for a while and gather strength. But as soon as I stop fighting I sink quickly to the bottom.
I'm so tired, I feel like I ran straight into a wall. I'm exhausted both physically and mentally, but I can not stop fighting to rest for then I sink into more anxiety and depression, and if I do not rest, I will be burned out instead.

I really wish for more strength and energy.


Av Sara Modigh - 15 juni 2013 00:11

Many of our celebrities are known for something special in their appearances,

but what would they be without those physical attributes?

Would they still have become famous?

Angelina Jolie is known for her big lips, how would it be if they were smaller? 

Kim Kardashian is known for her big butt, how would it be if it were smaller? Would she still have been famous if it were so?


Owen Wilson is known for having a crooked nose. If it was straight, how would it affect his celebrity status?

Rowan Atkinson is known for exaggerated facial expressions and grimaces. How would it be if we played down these expressions. How would his career as Mr.Bean have been then?

And finally, Christina Hendricks. She is known for her curves. How would it be if she got rid of them?

Would she have a bigger career in film and television, or would not have any role at all?

Appearance is a big part in some contexts, such as in the television and film industry. I am considering a deal on just how important appearance is in such as Hollywood. How much goes on look and how much goes on the acting talent?

Would anyone here above become famous if they had a different look?

Excuse my not very good Photoshop skills, but wanted to show my point of it all. If celebrities had more "regular appearances"? would they become famous at all?

No, probably not! So be glad of everything that makes you unique! We're not all supermodels and Hollywood stars. But we're beautiful anyway!

Av Sara Modigh - 14 juni 2013 03:19

When I was in high school, I was one of the many who were bullied.
It flew harsh words against me every day. I was fat, I was a cow, I was poor, I was a hillbilly
My clothes were ugly, I was ugly. I was poor and useless. Students threw pencils, erasers and even scissors at me during class.
On my locker scribbled the word whore and if you left a book or notepads unattended for a few minutes it was completely ruined.

Day in and day out, I was offended by class "mates".

I was feeling bad before and took bullying very hard. I was terrified to go to school.
I was the shy girl who sat in a corner and that really affected by bullying and was saddened by what they told me.

I was an easy victim.
It was fun to compete to see who could get me to tears or to go home with "headache" first.
I was deeply depressed when I was 13 and spent 3 months in my bed just to get up to go to the bathroom or eat a sandwich.

I was admitted to Children's and adolescent psychiatry. (BUP in Swedish) and met young people with similar problems as me.
At BUP I met "cool" girls with anorexia who smoked and refused to eat.

Sometime in the eighth grade, I decided to go my own way. I started using makeup and dress like I wanted. The bullying continued, but it did not feel as hard. Because I knew how I wanted to be. Unfortunately, my confidence completely destroyed, I got a form of eating disorder. For many, many months, I ate nothing but carrots. I lived basically on carrots, coke and cigarettes. I lost weight. Was very depressed and I started to dress in black, studs and extremely much makeup.

I disappeared into myself and my bad mood. I cut myself daily. Bullying subsided a little. I still felt very bad and it was now my sex self-injury began.
It gave me a fake confidence. I showed the bullies that there were people who thought I was good enough. I stopped to look down and walk away every time the bullies came around. I stared them in the eye and confronted them, it meant that they thought it was a little extra fun to see who could provoke an altercation. So after a while I gave it up and started to just shrug and totally ignore what they said. After that bullying decreased quite a lot.
In retrospect, I realize you they got tired because I stopped caring. It just was not fun to bully me anymore.

I still got comments like "damn ghost / witch" or comments like "It's not Halloween yet"
But I learned to live with it. Well I was quite thankful that they chose my style to complain about that I myself have chosen and not anything physical that I could not change.
I stopped listening. I lived my own life. With bigger problem than bullying to mind. When I stopped letting it bother me, I stopped being bullied. I am convinced that that is what got the bullying to stop.

I do not believe that bullying is very often a matter of bullies actually find the one that they're bullying is extremely ugly. I think it is about young people who have not yet come to grips in life. By selecting a person to bully to build self-confidence, protect them self from being bullied or to get out their aggression on.
Someone who gives a response that satisfies the bully's need to feel power.

Av Sara Modigh - 24 maj 2013 05:30

Part 1
I do not remember much from my school days, most of what I remember is all the anxiety the school evoked. I remember the feelings from when I started in kindergarten .. I was terrified every day .. I thought it was terribly awful to go to kindergarten. I think it was when I started kindergarten that my anxiety started .. I remember the sore head and stomach ache I got every morning .. But since I was six years old I did not understand that it was because I was so anxious and tense that I got this pain..I was so young I did not understand at all what the anxiety was .. I did not like being with the other kids and did not want go to kindergarten .. I told my parents how much it hurt in the stomach, and they became worried and took me to the health center. As so clearly could not find any fault as it was because of the anxiety that my stomach hurt. After a while, my parents stopped believing that I had a stomach ache and began forcing me back to kindergarten.
When I was six, I started to say I was in pain all over the place to avoid having to go to kindergarten .. I still remember how awful it felt to be so pain and that no one believed me. That no one knew how bad I was feeling. That no one realized that I had actually pain for real .. My anxiety continued to be by my side, through the low and middle school. I still had pain in the stomach and head, and I still had no idea why. The nagging anxiety in the chest began to become stronger and more frequent, resulting in that I started to cut class from school, I used to "pretend" to be sick to stay at home or go home early. When I started middle school began my absence from school noticed and Child and Adolescent Psychiatry was connected.
In psychiatry, I was told that everything was alright and that everything was normal .. What I did not know was that my stomach pain and the strange uncomfortable feeling I had inside me, the feeling of being eaten from the inside, was anxiety, and that it could be better. Sure they might not be telling a ten year old that it has anxiety. But I spent four years with having anxiety that worsened each year, at the time I thought it was normal and that it should be so. That it was right to be in such constant pain .. It was somewhere in elementary school that I started to hurt myself .. I noticed that I lost a bit of all warring feelings I had inside of me when I hit my fist hard into the wall .. When I had no wall around, I was biting my arm or hand .
The physical pain seemed to dampen the feelings I had inside of me .. I do not know how it came about that I took the step to cut myself. But the anxiety just became stronger and stronger and then also my need to suppress and stop the feelings I hurt myself with sharp objects, hitting myself with hard things, or pounded my head against the wall. The more anxiety I got the more I hurt myself, and the more I injured myself the more anxiety I got .. The anxiety was developed for the worse and it started talking to me, little voices in my head that talked about how useless I was, that no one wanted me and that I did not deserve to live .. This meant that I was deeply depressed.

Part 2

I felt so useless .. I hated myself more than anything else on earth. I hated myself because I lived and plagued the lives of all who came in my way, I hated myself because I was so ugly and disappointing .. I hated everything that had to do with me .. I felt that there was nobody in the world who liked me. All self-hatred blinded me so I could not see that my family and my friends all loved me .. my self-harming had by now reached the stage where I started cutting myself. But my self-destructive behavior did not stop at that. I had started smoking just 13 years old and I lost my virginity not long after that, with a guy almost twice as old as me.
I discovered that these guys wanted me, guys saw me. I also noticed that it was easy to let them take advantage of me. I started having sex with guys and let them use me to reach the seen show that I was indeed something to have. If they wanted to have sex with me, I could not be so horrible? My school year consists of cigarettes, sex and razor .. It's crazy how many creeps who used me ..
I really hate that nobody said no .. Most of them were actually adults, and should have realized that everything was not right. I mean a 13 year old who is not a virgin? a 14-year old with wounds all over her body? a 15 year old who has had more sexual partners than a 30 year old? how can you even have sex with a 13 year old? I mean no one I had sex with was under 18 years old, was the idea of a virgin who was attractive? I used to say I was a virgin, though I was not at first because I was so ashamed of myself ..
I think some noticed that I was not a virgin but they might like to believe that I was .. The guys seemed to get horny at the idea of taking my virginity so I let several of them do it .. During those years, I let myself be used I acquired a couple relationship with really stupid guys .. violent guys, guys with alcohol and drug abuse .. Guys as I told myself that I deserved to be forced to be with .. During my years in high school I did a lot of stupid things that I regret. I let the anxiety control my life. I let the anxiety take over completely.
I obeyed my impulses I totally ignored the school. It just gave me anxiety anyway so why bother to go there? It hurt so much to be there, it was better to self-torment me in an understandable manner .. And the Child and Youth Psychiatry was of course of no help now either .. I do not know if they were trying to help me and I ran away from help or if I did not get any help .. I can not remember that they did so much more than forcing me there and talk 1-2 times a week. I remember I had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward three times, they tried to get me to stay there but I completely refused for the most part.
But three times they managed to force me there .. I ran away quite fast .. I hated the place and even more I hated the staff .. There were a couple of guys there that really should not be working with people .. especially children suffering from mental problems .. They really scared the life out of me. They behaved very threatening towards me and the other patients. They were also very condescending.
Certainly not good qualities for someone who will work with a twelve year old girl with social phobia and low self-esteem. The threat of violence and talk about how all misbehaving children should get themselves a spanking so they learn, was not such a good tactic to make it easier for me to be with people. I can say that it just made my anxiety worse.
This probably sounds like something not dangerous for most, but I was really terrified of the 2 men who were there .. I really thought they would kill me if they got the chance. They always brought little comments that scared me. Although it was not addressed to me, I was really scared. They could sit and watch television, for example, in any police program where a villain has taken someone hostage and forcing them to drive the car. Could one hatch out of himself .. I could easily take him a slap in the temple and he would be in a coma.
Every night, I heard those comments played back in my head .. they also said things that hurt my already completely destroyed confidence. They suggested that I was bad because I did not manage to go to school like normal children, they suggested that I was ill-mannered and lazy. They talked about how bad would go for me in my life because I was "expecting to get everything on a silver platter," said they thought that I was stupid to think that I could sit at home lazy like me and still have money. .
What 12 year old needs to hear that?? the second time I was inside, one of them gave me a below the belt comment, by insulting my pets. "What the hell, disgusting asthma dog. It's those dogs that breathe so strange. "or "such a dog is just for old ladies." and "What a dork dog. It should be Fighting Dogs. "
Anyway after those admissions, I fought tooth and nail to not be admitted there again .. I think the only thing ruled on bup during my 8 years there was that I not had ADHD ..
What I do not understand is why they stuffed me so full of medications if they really felt that everything was perfectly normal as they continued to say in 7 of them 8 years, I was treated in child psychiatry .. However, when I read my journal after I stopped there it said that I have panic disorder, depression and "school phobia" which is basically social phobia. So much for everything being "normal".
did they not understand that the uncertainty about what my feelings came from made me feel worse? I've said it before and I'll say it again .. Child psychiatry had certainly been able to stop my illnesses if they just wanted to .. but it's easier to just write out a prescription for some medication and hope that they help instead of going through a lengthy investigation and proper treatment ..
But any treatment, I did not have, and my illness was to develop and get the full effect. When I finished high school I went out with failed in almost all subjects and 97% of absence. The only positive thing that happened over the years in high school was that I met my wonderful boyfriend, I was as usual looking to let myself be used by lots of guys, but he just was special .. He actually cared about me for real. he cared about me as a person and not as a sex toy .. We became friends, and two months later we were together and we are still together.

Part 3 -

it was when I met Jakob as my life got a meaning. When I met him, I discovered that there was a point in continuing to live. He has helped me a lot, and it's thanks to him that I'm still alive. He is the best thing that happened to me. He made me realize that it was worth fighting to get well. He made me see that there were beautiful things in life. Everything was no longer black. our love opened a window that let in a little light in all my darkness. He led me to believe that life can be good. He made me see that I deserved to be healthy, he helped me build self-confidence. He made me for the first time see a future.
That image of a future together with him made me start fighting .. our life is not perfect, I'm still not completely healthy, but we have come a long way .. my self-harming is almost completely gone. We have our wonderful cats and a nice apartment, and I love him more and more each passing day. He has been there so much for me, and he has been fighting with me to get rid of my self harm. He has seen me do things that no human being should have to see ..
But he has always stayed by my side. But as they say "Love conquers all" He has seen my anxiety in many different ways, I really wish he had not needed to see it, or the times he has left me in a treatment when I was on a hospital floor screaming and crying. Or all the times he had to come with me to the emergency room after my relapse into self harming. the times he had to dry my blood and my tears .. nobody should really have to do that kind of stuff .. I can not stand myself, so it's a wonder he does it .. He is my own little hero a lot has happened during those years we've been together.
First, right after high school, I started in a special class of people with similar problems as me. There, I started working on getting the grades in Swedish and English. where teachers were trained to deal with "problem children" like me ..I say "problem child" because that was what they called me when I was in high school .. There in the school that was in an apartment next to the real school, I felt for the first time that someone understood me. I got a lot of help and I was also able to study at my own pace, that is as much I managed without overloading me with anxiety. I went to school 2 days a week and 2 hours per day, and I was picked up by a teacher every morning so that I would not have to ride the bus to school, which meant that I could concentrate better on schoolwork. I went two years at the school and received a grade in both Swedish and English.
After that, I started on a "folk high school" to learn math, history more Swedish and English and even some music .. I went there for 2 weeks then I got pneumonia. When I came back after a week sick, the teacher behaved very badly. She did not believe that I have been sick, but thought I had skipped class. This resulted in that I got an anxiety attack and she yelled at me in front of the whole class because I could not pull myself together ..
So I stopped there and began to focus on dealing with my anxiety disorder instead, because it became clear that I would not be able to attend school full time before I got well .. So last year I have been in the queue for treatment .. it has not happened much in the mental health system but I hope they can help get it all on soon .. I want to be healthy now now now ....I'm fucking tired of anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I really want it to disappear. someone should invent a miracle cure that will remove all the crap .. Especially considering medications are the only mental health system has to offer .. I am atleast happy that I with the help of Jacob manages to take me out of self harm .. it is fortunate that I met someone who could help me .. The next step is to fight against anxiety and might be able to walk out of the apartment once in a while ..

Part 4

In 2010, I am 20 years old and has been on sick leave for a few years. I am went with a psychologist where I live who suspect that I have a borderline personality disorder. It is still not much happening. I am medicated and I see my doctor no more than 2 times a year due to lack of time in the  psychiatry. But I get atleast a referral to a "diagnostic study". I undergo investigation and becomes diagnosed with Asperger's, ADD, GAD, panic attacks and Atypical Depression. The doctor who diagnosed me tell you they are ADHD meds to try to help me feel better. She directs me to my own doctor for a prescription.
I am applying directly for a medical appointment with my doctor. But waiting times are long. They take more than six months to get an appointment. I get a prescription in hand and sends home with the promise of follow-up after one week. Medicine does not work at all and weeks go by without my doctor contacting me. The weeks turn into months, and still heard nothing. 10 months have passed since I got my diagnosis when I contact the health hotline and ask them to nag at my doctor. He then sends a new prescription with my psychologist. So now I have a new medication to try.
I feel weird. But now I have atleast one answer which I have so long been looking for. Most of all, I am disappointed when I think about all the help I could have get from school if I had been diagnosed in time. I could have had access to special schools, assistants, and not least of all, I had been understood.
Not knowing have long chipped away at me. I feel better now that I know what is wrong. I have regained a little hope that in the future I will be able to get help. Now when there is a diagnosis to work with. Everything is now hanging on the psychiatry to shape up and sets about their problems. For right now it does not work ..

-Part 5 The year is now 2012, My mother has just died. I think a lot about why so much seems to strike at me. I never expected that life should be easy, but this hard? Have all so much crap in their lives? I miss my mom so much. How can you die in your sleep when you're 43 years old and has never been sick?
Is this some revenge from some higher powers against me because I'm such a bad person? Is it because I can not work? because I can not take care of myself? Why can I not have a normal life? I'm still sick and have in the current situation no medications. For those do not seem to work for me.
There is talk of maybe I should get housing. I feel scared. Just the thought of strangers to come into my home and move my stuff. People who I have to talk to and be with all alone. I get so nervous that I almost throw up just thinking about the idea. My psychologist has changed jobs so I stand right now without any psychologist contact. But I have made contact with a therapist instead.


-Part 6
Life rolls on. It's been almost ten months since my mother died. I am still fighting all I can.
At Christmas, I had a relapse in my self-injury, having been self-harm free in almost two years.
  I write a lot to sort out my thoughts and feelings. After mom's death, I have been very afraid of losing someone or something that I love. Death is constantly in my thoughts. Just after mom passed away, I was very worried and I woke up several times every night to walk around and check so all the animals, and Jacob was still alive. To see if Jacob is still alive are still the first thing I check when I go into the bedroom and Jacob sleeps.
Having lost my mom is very heavy. But I focus on challenging myself. I struggle with trying to teach me to be in the grocery stores and I try to take my driving license, I also spend more time with family and I meet the occupational therapist every two to three weeks. There are quite a lot of talk about starting the DBT. But I'm still not "fit enough" to cope with the challenge.
When I get a driver's license, it will probably go a little easier, because one of the more difficult parts of starting the DBT disappears, namely to take the bus all by himself.
Just like everyone, I have both good and bad days and I really try to take advantage of all the good and wonderful moments that I get to experience.


Av Sara Modigh - 24 maj 2013 01:07

All people should be able to look themselves in the mirror and like what they see.
I like many others have had very low self esteem.

When I was younger I really hated everything about myself. When I then due to medications for mental illness gained a lot of weight, I was totally crushed.

I was ashamed of my body.


But by using willpower, I have learned to accept myself as I am. I'm fat, I'm beautiful and I'm fine as I am!

I think that if you hate your body you treat it badly automatically.

So to love ourselves as we are, is helping to lead to a better place in our minds.

To build up their self-esteem you have to learn to think positively about yourself. Many young people find it very difficult to do this. More and more young people feel bad and I think a lot of it is based in low self-confidence and above all, poor self-esteem. Many young people bully themselves every waking minute. Who would not feel bad of such mental torture?

Many people get stuck in a negative thought, "I'm so bad, I'm ugly and I can not do anything right."
Then you have to try to break these thoughts. You have to think "does it help me to think like this?" "is it really true that I do not know anything?"
One must try to analyze and reflect on the negative thinking really is reasonable and if it is true.
Many people with low self-esteem are trying to build it up by getting confirmation or kind comments from other people. It often puts a very high pressure on yourself and you often want to outperform in order to be "best."
But this will not get anywhere. For the poor self-esteem left in the ground and how much praise and kind comments man than sheep, so will the poor self-esteem eventually make itself felt again. The only one whose kind comments and praise that really counts is the one that comes from yourself

In order to feel good and be confident in your self, we must learn not to bully ourselves. It takes a lot of practice and patience to build up your self esteem. But it is possible.

First and foremost, you must learn to recognize and write down the self-critical thoughts and understand the situations in which these ideas arise.

The next step is to learn to understand why these thoughts are not true, and begin to "defend yourself". When, for example, get an idea that you are worthless, you have to force yourself to think that "it is an unreasonable thought." The fact that you actually are not useless but you have actually done many good things.
Then we come to the most important step to build your self esteem. To praise you! Learning to like yourself, appreciate what you do and learning to like yourself for exactly who you are both inside and out.

To accomplish this step, there are little tricks you can take.

* Write down five things you like about yourself every night before going to sleep on a list. It can be anything from your eye color to your ability to take care of animals. In the beginning it may be difficult to think of five things. If you do not come up in five things it does not matter. Do not criticize yourself if you do not reach the target directly.
* Do not look down on yourself if you make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes and that is how we learn. Sometimes we make mistakes but that does not mean we ARE wrong.
* Say something nice to yourself every time you see a picture of you. Here you can use your list of positive things you have written.
* Start each morning and end each evening with trying to see your positive sides. for example, that you are kind, caring, nice, polite, generous, and trustworthy.
* Try to be more positive overall. Start each day with to expect that good things will happen. Notice all that is good. For example, the sun is shining, you see a cute animal, it is your favorite lesson at school, or that you get to see an episode of a great TV series. The more you focus on the good things, the better you will feel. This also allows you to add to your list by writing five things that were good for the day.
Many people make the mistake of letting a negative event ruin a whole day, so why not turn it around and let a positive thing to make the day great?
* Do not compare yourself with others. The only thing you should ever compare yourself to is yourself. You can be inspired by others. But you should not feel that you are worse than anyone else just because they can do something better than you can. We are all good at different things, and most of us are not the best in anything. It does not mean we are worse than others.

If you do these exercises every day, you train up your confidence. Many people think that self esteem is something you're born with. But it's not. Confidence is something you have to train and continue training to keep. After a while it goes on more automatic. Once you have trained yourself long enough to think positive thoughts instead of negative, you will feel much better and have a better self esteem.


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