If I die of an undiagnosed illness, it is the health center's fault!

Have for a week now got worse and worse sensory disturbances in both legs and also pins and needles in my hands.
It started when I had a weird feeling in my foot and ankle. It felt like there was something warm right next to my leg. This feeling has since spread up my legs all the way up to my lower back. The feeling has been replaced with a stinging, burning sensation in the skin. Feels like when you come inside after being out in freezing temperatures and played in the snow and are cold and wet.
The other day I started to get pins and needles in my hands.
My legs are very weak and wobbly. My knees give way from time to time and I collide with the door frames and can not keep balance when I close my eyes.
It has gone so far that I can hardly walk. I'm exhausted and feel sick after going a short distance. It feels like my legs are made of spaghetti.

My partner phoned in to the health center on Monday and explained the symptoms. There, they wanted me to come by once. they said "It sounds serious, we want you to come as soon as possible." But I can not walk myself and Jacob worked on both Monday and Tuesday, so we had to wait until Wednesday.

So today we were there.
The doctor checked my reflexes and if I had pulse and feeling in my feet. It was basically all she wanted to do. For as soon as I mentioned the word the word mental illness were my problems psychological problems. While she also claimed that the problems probably are not due to folate deficiency I have, so when I was there last time (for not too long ago) for a similar problem with my legs and was told it was due to folic acid deficiency, it was probably not true .
The doctor explained to me like I was an idiot "You see, anxiety can manifest itself in this way. I saw in your journal that you have Sobril medicine prescription. Take them"

I have had my anxiety problems since the age of six. I know how my anxiety manifests itself! I know what anxiety is and I know what anxiety feels like. I know I never had tingling from anxiety and I know I never had physical problems that gets progressively worse over time of my anxiety.

When I told her that I know how my anxiety feels like and how it works, she became very angry and cross. There was an icy chill in her eyes and you just felt her contempt for me was dripping from every word she uttered.
"then we'll have to get some samples then, or so we send you for admission to a hospital so they can take samples there., we can at least not do anything more for you"
So I had to take the same tests as the last time I was there and it was found that my folate value was "4".

So now I wonder, how many people have anxiety that feels like that?

I think it's so awful that they do not even want to consider that there might be something physically just because I have mental illness.
That one has to feel like a burden and an idiot who just take their time with their mental illness instead of going into psychiatry.
That they almost refuse to take a blood test to at least try to see if there is a physical cause for my symptoms. How to get help with somatic diseases if the health center refuse to look, JUST because you have a journal from the psychiatry.
Three years ago, the health center missed,  b-12 deficiency and folate deficiency. I finally became so ill that I had to be admitted to the hospital and get an IV and a blood transfusion. In three days I got to be in the hospital because I was so anemic. My hemoglobin was low, an adult women should have 120 to 155 grams per liter. I had 75!
I do not want to get sick and need to be hospitalized AGAIN, because the health center do not want to examine me. Just because I have psychological problems.
I hate the Swedish health system right now!

Today I was so close to just go into the bathroom and cut myself to pieces to get all nasty feelings that war in my chest to go away.
I feel so alone and worthless.
Sometimes it's so damn hard to try to hang on to what little hope you have left. Right now it feels like I just want to give up.
I'm tired of fighting everything I can, around the clock to not drown in anxiety. I want to stop swimming, just floating on the surface for a while and gather strength. But as soon as I stop fighting I sink quickly to the bottom.
I'm so tired, I feel like I ran straight into a wall. I'm exhausted both physically and mentally, but I can not stop fighting to rest for then I sink into more anxiety and depression, and if I do not rest, I will be burned out instead.

I really wish for more strength and energy.

Many of our celebrities are known for something special in their appearances,

but what would they be without those physical attributes?

Would they still have become famous?

Angelina Jolie is known for her big lips, how would it be if they were smaller?

Kim Kardashian is known for her big butt, how would it be if it were smaller? Would she still have been famous if it were so?

Owen Wilson is known for having a crooked nose. If it was straight, how would it affect his celebrity status?

Rowan Atkinson is known for exaggerated facial expressions and grimaces. How would it be if we played down these expressions. How would his career as Mr.Bean have been then?

And finally, Christina Hendricks. She is known for her curves. How would it be if she got rid of them?

Would she have a bigger career in film and television, or would not have any role at all?

Appearance is a big part in some contexts, such as in the television and film industry. I am considering a deal on just how important appearance is in such as Hollywood. How much goes on look and how much goes on the acting talent?

Would anyone here above become famous if they had a different look?

Excuse my not very good Photoshop skills, but wanted to show my point of it all. If celebrities had more "regular appearances"? would they become famous at all?

No, probably not! So be glad of everything that makes you unique! We're not all supermodels and Hollywood stars. But we're beautiful anyway!

When I was in high school, I was one of the many who were bullied.
It flew harsh words against me every day. I was fat, I was a cow, I was poor, I was a hillbilly
My clothes were ugly, I was ugly. I was poor and useless. Students threw pencils, erasers and even scissors at me during class.
On my locker scribbled the word whore and if you left a book or notepads unattended for a few minutes it was completely ruined.

Day in and day out, I was offended by class "mates".

I was feeling bad before and took bullying very hard. I was terrified to go to school.
I was the shy girl who sat in a corner and that really affected by bullying and was saddened by what they told me.

I was an easy victim.
It was fun to compete to see who could get me to tears or to go home with "headache" first.
I was deeply depressed when I was 13 and spent 3 months in my bed just to get up to go to the bathroom or eat a sandwich.

I was admitted to Children's and adolescent psychiatry. (BUP in Swedish) and met young people with similar problems as me.
At BUP I met "cool" girls with anorexia who smoked and refused to eat.

Sometime in the eighth grade, I decided to go my own way. I started using makeup and dress like I wanted. The bullying continued, but it did not feel as hard. Because I knew how I wanted to be. Unfortunately, my confidence completely destroyed, I got a form of eating disorder. For many, many months, I ate nothing but carrots. I lived basically on carrots, coke and cigarettes. I lost weight. Was very depressed and I started to dress in black, studs and extremely much makeup.

I disappeared into myself and my bad mood. I cut myself daily. Bullying subsided a little. I still felt very bad and it was now my sex self-injury began.
It gave me a fake confidence. I showed the bullies that there were people who thought I was good enough. I stopped to look down and walk away every time the bullies came around. I stared them in the eye and confronted them, it meant that they thought it was a little extra fun to see who could provoke an altercation. So after a while I gave it up and started to just shrug and totally ignore what they said. After that bullying decreased quite a lot.
In retrospect, I realize you they got tired because I stopped caring. It just was not fun to bully me anymore.

I still got comments like "damn ghost / witch" or comments like "It's not Halloween yet"
But I learned to live with it. Well I was quite thankful that they chose my style to complain about that I myself have chosen and not anything physical that I could not change.
I stopped listening. I lived my own life. With bigger problem than bullying to mind. When I stopped letting it bother me, I stopped being bullied. I am convinced that that is what got the bullying to stop.

I do not believe that bullying is very often a matter of bullies actually find the one that they're bullying is extremely ugly. I think it is about young people who have not yet come to grips in life. By selecting a person to bully to build self-confidence, protect them self from being bullied or to get out their aggression on.
Someone who gives a response that satisfies the bully's need to feel power.